Re: OT: "Off-Topic Island"

by **CPcantmeasuresnow** Thu Dec 18, 2014 5:18 pm

Dear Brutus, I mean Doc:

The King seems to have forgotten his subjects yet again. He gives us a white Thanksgiving and he believes he's done for the season. I warned him then it only bought him a months grace and so far to put it in laymans terms, December blows.

SnowMan was ready to ransack the Kings sand castle this morning, I persuaded him to give his highness till the end of the month, and if we are Snowless by then, there will be no stopping him. Not only will the kings name be mud, but his sand castle as well.

As always I hope you are well and I'm sure those hammocks you ordered last winter will be coming any day now.

Sincerely
Director of the Treasury
CP

PS - If I hear the king tell me the stratospheric warming is coming one more time, I to may lose it.

by **docstox12** Thu Dec 18, 2014 5:32 pm

Duly noted and inscribed in the daily history of OTI that on this day, Dec. 18 anno domani 2014, the King was forewarned and has until the end of December to produce the snow he has so abundantly promised or dire consequences, of which you, Director of the Treasury, and myself, will have no control to stop, will transpire.

This stratospheric warming is a bunch of hot air and the King must dispose of it forthwith!!!!!!

by **CPcantmeasuresnow** Fri Dec 19, 2014 6:23 am

Time to convene the OTI council, his highness has duped us again and his talk of snow riches looks to be fools gold. This is becoming reminiscent of the snow drought he left us with from mid February to mid April last year before trying to appease us with a two inch snowfall April 15th. It was far to little to late then, and it's becoming late again.

Snow man get your water buckets in hand in preparation for the storming of the kings sand castle. Doc it's time to prepare a new constitution. No longer can he deceive us with his talk of negative NAO's AO's and stratospheric warming. What are we to him, an uneducated citizenry he believes he can hypnotize with his meteorological mumbo jumbo? These things he speaks of do not exist. When was the last time you saw any of them? They are the phrases used by a desperate despot, trying to seduce a restless kingdom, tired of his wizardry and empty promises.

The coming storm promises to be windy, warm and wet. The following storms appear to be the same. I'm afraid fellow citizens his time has just about run out. I hate to reminisce back to the days of the OOOOOOTI revolutions but the time seems to be at hand.

by **docstox12** Fri Dec 19, 2014 6:43 am

"Pay no attention to that King Snow Weenie behind the curtain!"

Preparations on the new Constitution will begin in earnest after Jan 1 as the Holiday Season will slow down governmental proceedings but certainly not at the glacial pace observed in Mainland politics.The "Kings" wizadry and sophistry will only inflame the population into revolution when the realization sets in.

The disappearance of SNOW is troubling right now.Is he in collusion with the King to raid our treasury of it's coconut storage vault backing our currency? Be vigilant,Treasury Director, there could be malfeasance afoot here.Desperate Kings use desperate measures.

by **amugs** Fri Dec 19, 2014 10:47 am

I have to take care of "other" important business at this time and prepare my castle for the wonderful holiday of xmass that shall be a grand party for all inhabitants of OTI - let them eat PORK!! and cake if they want too!

I have been so desperate to have this pattern change I have personally paid an unannounced visit to the winter warlock - he is a very no extremely grumpy man who threw icicles of the type one has never seen in disgust of this December pattern. He did assure me it will change but Mother Nature is playing favorites and the good for nothing Heat Miser (sunny as he likes to be called) is doing a number on Snowy as he likes to be called. I did this for my people that I so care about on this island - since there are only three of you it is precarious in a way.

I shall report back in a few days if not sooner - bring your friends - the monkeys and coconuts you play with on this island - are we fd up but there are no woman to speak - hmmmm???

by **docstox12** Fri Dec 19, 2014 3:05 pm

Glad to hear you are trying desperately to change this bleak, snowless pattern.

Yes, sadly, no women are here on the Island.Remember, this is an Island of exile and the barest minimal items of subsistence are available to the sparse population.Perhaps, oh King, if you can produce many snowstorms, the female Snow Weenies of the mainland will flock to OTI and solve the problem.

Help us,oh Snow Weenie King....you're our only hope!

by **sroc4** Sat Dec 20, 2014 1:59 pm

CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:
sroc4 wrote:Hear Ye!!! Hear Ye!! This thread cracks me up.

Doc, just the hear ye, hear ye introduction has earned you a temporary 5 day visa on OTI. As Treasury Director and often times Dictator of our numerous breakaway territories, let me welcome you to our humble Island.

Please enjoy the many fine tourist attractions we have to offer. Many people like to begin with a tour of SnowMans hollowed out tree trunk. From there it's a mere half mile to the straw hut Doc built, copying the architectural designs of the Skipper and Gilligan. From there feel free to tour the spider infested cave, which still has no hammocks though they were promised months ago by Docstox, that I call home.

Your second day on the Island you may want to tour the abandoned sand castle of the self proclaimed King Mugs . Our king has not been seen on the Island for many months, but he still lays a legitimate claim to the throne for the snow he has bestowed upon his citizens the past two weeks. As always his position as King is tenuous. If the masses do not see any appreciable snow through the Christmas season the citizens will overlook our political, religious, and ethnic difference and unite to overthrow the absentee Monarch. But that Sir Scott, if I may bestow that temporary title and use your first name to address you, is OTI politics and it should not interfere in any way with your stay.

Please note the exchange rate is .65 coconuts per dollar and 7 coconuts equal 1 banana, therefore at current exchange rates, 1 banana equals 10.769 dollars.

Enjoy your stay, which shall not exceed 5 days. If you do exceed your visa, you will be thrown into OTI prison, a straw hut with bamboo jail cells constructed by Docstox, this time copying the architectural designs of the Professor.

Welcome Mainlander.

With my 5 day visa I have secretly infiltrated King Snow Weenie's ranks. In addition I have placed spy cameras strategically in and around the kingdom in anticipation of a possible coup. I have assembled an army and am currently deciding exactly when to invade for the King Mugsy may need to be ousted. For his Kingdom appears to falling apart. He has gallantly attempted to rally his peoples but the people stirr with content given the lackluster December. If the ringing of the new year does not yield theee promised white gold or at least a credible threat for thee an invasion may be imminent.

by **docstox12** Sat Dec 20, 2014 2:42 pm

Oh. great and powerful Doc, I will do all that I can to assist you in the coup attempt as King Mugsy has not come across for the upcoming Chruistmas Day where snow is MANDATORY.A great Snow Weenie King (so he proclaims) could produce at least a snow shower or two to cover the ground.Instead we will have a wind driven warm rainstorm.Oh the tragedy, oh the humanity! We here at OTI respect your timeframe and in our magnanimus goodness and fairness, will allow the King to redeem himself by producing a whiteout in early January.

By the way, if you ever need another visa, I can rubber stamp access here anytime.The borders are going to open up here someday.Look what President Obama is going to do with the Island of Cuba. We at OTI, have infinitely more to offer the mainland than Cuba!

by **CPcantmeasuresnow** Sun Dec 21, 2014 2:30 am

Docstox. To avoid any confusion I feel I must address you by your full and proper name now as we try to recruit another man of medicine, Sroc, to our humble Island paradise.

With a possible violent revolution on the horizon I felt our current ratio of one doctor per every four residents was quite inadequate. By adding Sroc, or Sir Sroc as he shall be known on OTI, we shall up that percentage to 2 of every 5 residents or 40% of our growing populace. Now granted neither of you are medical doctors at least regarding people but any general knowledge of medicine will do. Most wounds should be superficial as sticks, sand, coconuts and bananas can only inflict so much damage as I personally found out during the violent but bloodless civil war of the YOOOOOTI and IOOOOOTI rebellion last year.

As always you are doing a first rate job running our government as our absentee king continues with his meteorological Vodoo and try's his best, that's what's so tragic, to change our pattern from wet to white.

Back to my cave now. We may find correspondence difficult in the days ahead as rioters, snowman, fill the sands with their anti government rhetoric and chants.

Remember as always if activity on OTI ever attracts the ire of the Emperor of the Mainland, Frank, he can wipe us off this thread with one mighty wave of his hand.

by **docstox12** Sun Dec 21, 2014 7:26 am

Another example of the high quality of life here on OTI.The mainland has nowhere the percentages of medical professionals we now here have at OTI.Also, I feel Sir Sroc and myself have the necessary tools in the realm of psychological evaluation which we will certainly need to reprogram the populace after, should it become necessary, the ouster of the negligent King Snow Weenie.

Thanks for the kudoos on the operations of OTI governance.The job is made so much easier knowing your expert manipulations of our coconut based currency, which has the OTI budget in perpetual surplus, and the excellent job as Tourism Director, which has attracted a sterling candidate, Sir Sroc, who with his armies will end the misery and humiliation inflicted on OTI by our rapidly diminshing in political standing King Snow Weenie.

Yes, difficult but exciting times ahead for OTI.

I also realize that our very existence is at the indulgence of our Mainland Emperor, Frank but I know he is pleased with the exports of coconuts and weather related statistical data you so expertly deliver.That makes us a productive Province that I don't think Emperor Frank will step on and crush like a bug.

All Hail Emperor Frank!!!

by **amugs** Mon Dec 22, 2014 12:57 pm

My fellow snow weenies of OTI (all five now that Sir Sroc has been wishfully granted citizenship by the Immigration board of CP),

It comes withe heavy heart and very much disappointment that I the self proclaimed King Snow Weenie have not been able to produce a much anticipated winter wonderland to my faithful followers. AS man of my word, I have until the end of 2014 to produce a storm of white gold or else I shall by my self turn over my crown. The parliament shall then be beckoned before then (as i a write I am sending messages to those of OTI Parliament) to convene and then name eh King of OTI. If per chance I do produce a snowstorm before the end of this 2014 i shall be self granted a 30 day extension (shit we gave the illegals the same in the great land of USA no?) so I shall bequest a small stay and please no need to get violent with me for I am a lover not a fighter. I do not wish to be hit in the head with my self grown coconuts but rather have my head between two of the said opposite sex. Please , I write as I say to inform you of my intentions.

be well my good fellows.

by **CPcantmeasuresnow** Mon Dec 22, 2014 7:57 pm

A humble and humorous letter of possible resignation your highness I commend you.

Your decision to resign peacefully at months end, notice I'm already assuming there will be no snow by then, will insure that your assimilation back into the OTI mainstream will be seamless and uneventful.

We shall see to it that Sir Sroc takes his armies back to the mainland. The coconut bruises, tree branch scratches, and sand in the eyes that a full scale rebellion would have seen will thankfully be avoided.

God bless you Almost former monarch, and God bless OTI. The land of the four and the home of the depraved.

by **docstox12** Mon Dec 22, 2014 8:20 pm

Yes, any (ex)King who mentions resting hid head between female coconuts is definitely not a man of revolution or violence.He would make love, not war.Guess I will cancel that order I placed yesterday for mercurochrome, band aids and Visine in anticipation of the storming of the OTI beaches by Sir Sroc's armies.

Now, with the window rapidly closing on the last chances for King Mugsy to redeem himself with a snowstorm before New Years, voting booths will have to be set up in all sectors of OTI in the anticipation for the election of the new King Snow Weenie should King Mugsy fail to come across.Being that we at OTI are a province of the Frank Empire, it is very possible the candidate does not have to reside on the Island of the Damned, the Island of Pain,OTI.Mainland candidates for King Snow Weenie should and can be considered.

I would humbly suggest consideration of Sir Sroc in this particular matter as with his conjugations and constipations has managed to produce epic amounts of snow right over his usually snowless LI area.

by **docstox12** Sun Dec 28, 2014 4:55 am

The entire Island is in a highly anxious state seeing the fleet of Sir Sroc anchored not far from shore anticipating the invasion that will seal the fate of rapidly diminishing King Mugsy who totally let down his subjects here with a whiteless Christmas and nary a flake of snow in many days.He has fled and isolated himself in some netherworld area of the mainland to avoid the shame and humiliation that faces him here at OTI.His window of salvation closes by the minute as the sands of time rapidly fall and December fades away.

by **amugs** Sun Dec 28, 2014 9:15 am

WE must close the doors and seal all windows for in three days I shall be overtaken by the Sir Sroc army of two - he and JMAN will be pounding my shores with oranges and lemons brought to my kingdom or will there be an internal uprising?? hmmmm. I know this - the fn QBO is to blame for u snot snowing and Mother Nature along with Winter Warlock are perplexed by us not snowing as many of us are. Do not take this as an excuse but mere fact my good men and I am ready to step down and turn over my crown to whomever feels they can produce for my very faithful men of OTI.

SROC has seen above normal snows the past few winters or maybe Tom from Central NJ - they MAY be able to do more than i said I would.

I have prepared for such an invasion if it were to become violent which I will not induce but rather try to avoid. The monkeys and koala's have amassed bananas and coconuts with sling shots and catapults just in case. I have also beckoned the lovely and most beautiful ladies from the mainland to come and help quell the violence by showing the would be invaders hwo we have beautiful woman to sabbatage tehir minds with ill.

OT: "Off-Topic Island" - Page 9 Snow-bikinis_1554860i

OT: "Off-Topic Island" - Page 9 Snow-bikinis_1554860i

One for each of us boys to help take our minds off of the snowless month of Dec.

And here are my ladies

OT: "Off-Topic Island" - Page 9 Post-606-0-26080400-1419025984

OT: "Off-Topic Island" - Page 9 Post-606-0-26080400-1419025984

So I wait with beautiful woman at my side to show I AM A LOVER not a violent man.

I am sorry to my faithful men of OTI that this winter has ............well..............................SUCKED!

Good day.

Sad

by **docstox12** Sun Dec 28, 2014 9:22 am

Ummmmm, PERHAPS, soon to be replaced King, we can discuss a possible extension of your crown time PROVIDING you allow your lovely minions to spend time with me on OTI to discuss these pressing issues.Don't know what Sir Sroc can offer in place of these lovelies. Snow perhaps?

CP is on mental recovery leave and I am in temporary charge of the Treasury and Ministry of Tourism as well as all other governmental issues of OTI, so I claim ALL the time with these lovely ladies.

Heh, heh, heh.....

by **CPcantmeasuresnow** Sun Dec 28, 2014 9:31 am

Now that I have exiled myself here until after the New Year I visited sector 7 this morning, the home of the soon to be ex kings sand castle. A peek inside and I saw no signs of human life. Either the King has never lived here or already sensing his fate he has abandoned his residence several days early.

Let us remember his time in power as one of failed policy, and broken promises, and some mythological thing he referred to as an HECS for the period of Jan 7-10. We were a also promised an Exciting and snow filled December. I suppose if one finds fog, way above normal temperatures, rain, no wind, and fantasy snow storms that never come close to materializing exciting than mission accomplished.

With the Island now all but abandoned, has anyone seen or heard from Sir Snowman since the rumors of overthrow began? Also Doc, Sir Sroc can call off the troops, no army will be needed for this coup. Military might will not be needed to overthrow King Mugsy, it appears his own words and deeds have sent him into a self imposed exile to the most remote parts of OTI.

He may surface some day to write his memoirs and try to explain his failures. I'm sure failed stratospheric warming will take much of the blame. The QBO not moving, el Nino not forming, the NAO staying positive, the MJO showing no MOJO and on and on and on. His memoirs may make him feel better, and alleviate some of the blame for his failed policies, but sometimes a monarch need only look in the mirror to see why his kingdom has fallen.

by **CPcantmeasuresnow** Sun Dec 28, 2014 9:47 am

Just saw kings mugs post above.

Scroo the snow, all hail the King for Life. All hail King Mugsy hip hip hooray, hip hip Hooray.

Your highness should you and your friends need help moving back into your sand castle I will be glad to lend a hand. Remember I have always been your most loyal servant.

by **docstox12** Sun Dec 28, 2014 9:56 am

He has abandoned his residency for some far flung province of the Mainland where he has consulted with some aged wizard regarding winter forecasting in the Mainland.For the King to be plying us with the sayings of an old wizard, just shows how desparate he is to try and salvage his crown.He is even plying me with female companionship ( see post above yours) in this matter.

The disappearance of Sir Snowman is troubling as he could be still allied with the King and perhaps disapproves of his overthrow.I will be saddened if that's the case but we must not forget our primary mission here and that is to provide snow in abundant quantities.If Sir Sroc wishes to try this, I nominate him the new King as his knowledge of the upper atmosphere patterns has been proven again and again.Besides, he is Emperor Frank's right arm in managing the provinces of the Mainland.True, we risk our autonomy here at OTI with the threat of being absorbed totally into the Mainland Empire, but I think this is a risk we should take to get major snow accumulations.

Perhaps you can consult OTI Manual number 632, how to construct voting booths from palm fronds and seaweed.These issues may have to be voted on shortly,CP.

by **docstox12** Sun Dec 28, 2014 9:59 am

CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:Just saw kings mugs post above.

Scroo the snow, all hail the King for Life. All hail King Mugsy hip hip hooray, hip hip Hooray.

Your highness should you and your friends need help moving back into your sand castle I will be glad to lend a hand. Remember I have always been your most loyal servant.

He casted this mysterious spell on myself as well but we must come to our senses.He will ply us with female companionship, then when we re-elect him King for the winter, the females will change into horribly ugly sea hags and make total fools of us.King Mugsy is clever and crafty but we must realize that SNOW is our goal here.

Now, somebody talk me out of this!

by **docstox12** Sun Dec 28, 2014 10:10 am

CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:Just saw kings mugs post above.

Scroo the snow, all hail the King for Life. All hail King Mugsy hip hip hooray, hip hip Hooray.

Your highness should you and your friends need help moving back into your sand castle I will be glad to lend a hand. Remember I have always been your most loyal servant.

http://1000uglypeople.com/ugly-old-ladies/would-you-marry-this-rich-old-lady-ugly-old-lady/

The King plys us with attractive young females but after he is re-elected king, these lovelies will turn into these!

by **CPcantmeasuresnow** Sun Dec 28, 2014 10:58 am

Doc. It's his majesty's sorcery and Vodoo at work again.

I've noticed the three posts this morning by the king, yourself and I were all posted while none of us realized the others were posting. A strange coincidence to say the least. Is anything really coincidence on OTI?

Thank you for waking me and breaking the trance the kings concubines had put on me. If that picture didn't do it nothing would. I say kings mugs retains citizenship and we rule without a king for the time being.

by **docstox12** Sun Dec 28, 2014 11:05 am

Yes, I agree, King Mugsy will be demoted to a citizen but we must deal with the impending "coup" by Sir Sroc and see what his intentions are.Perhaps he will wish to take over the crown and work his magic on the snowless curse affecting us.

by **CPcantmeasuresnow** Sun Dec 28, 2014 11:14 am

Doc and soon to be ex king mugs and missing sir snow man and anyone else who has been granted a temporary visa by the temporary head of tourism Docstox:

Obviously boredom resulting from the snow drought has brought an influx of illegal tourists to OTI as the visitor count now exceeds 4500. Please check in with Doc before posting here and make sure you adhere to the rules of posting on OTI. Citizens are limited to 10 posts a day, people with 5 day visas may post up to but not exceed 3 posts per day. Illegal visitors may post once per day. Failure to adhere to these rules may result in permanent exile from OTI or incarceration in OTI jail where banana and coconut boarding is not only permitted but encouraged. You have all been fairly warned.

Visiting Royalty from the mainland, Emperor Frank and the guardians of his court, Sir Sroc, Queen Dunzoo, and Ace are allowed the same posting privileges as citizens of OTI, bearing in mind that Emperor Frank can wipe out OTI with one wave of his mighty hand.

by **docstox12** Sun Dec 28, 2014 11:22 am

Revenues have been streaming in from the massive influx of visas issued by the 4500 visit amount indicated.That actual cash in dollars ,which is now worth a lot more currency wise, plus our abundance of coconuts and bananas which back OTI's currency, have created a massive surplus in the Treasury, unlike the Mainland. CP's magnificent management of the Treasury Department, now allows us to consider projects to improve the Island.

Your rules and regulations vis a vis Tourism are sound and solid and will be applies accordingly.OTI reminds me of the Island of Cuba before the Castro days when many tourists visited and left their dollars behind.

To all this I say.......'Salud....Salud.....Salud!!!"

by **amugs** Mon Dec 29, 2014 9:45 pm

Wonderful new son the visa front Doc. I have been well..........being taken care of by my newest OTI members that I posted a picture of above - June and Amber - they are great OTI citizens. Sorry but my MOJO is not for the snow making at this time but for the I love you

. I am looking to remove my possessions from my castle as long as I am granted the citizenship of this great land I so honored ruled from last January to Wednesday forthcoming. I have failed in my quest for white gold this month and will turn over the crown to whomever is deemed worthy by the said parliament of two at this time - where teh hell is Snowman?? I last heard he was in sector 5 but nothing else since early Dec - wonder if the pigmee's got him.

BTW - amber and june have sister's that they would like to have them along with some of her friends join us on OTI - I say the more beautiful babes the merrier for u sold coots!!

OT: "Off-Topic Island" - Page 9 Snow-girls

OT: "Off-Topic Island" - Page 9 Snow-girls

by **amugs** Mon Dec 29, 2014 9:48 pm

Here are Amber and June's friends from Texas and Alabama -= they want to know what OTI is all about so Minister of Visa's shall we grant them a 5 day pass or ....????

OT: "Off-Topic Island" - Page 9 Bikinis2

OT: "Off-Topic Island" - Page 9 Bikinis2

You let me know okay??

by Sponsored content