OTI - Temporary Emergency Re-Opening

After now two-and-a-half subpar winters in a row, I figure drastic steps must be taken to try to change our luck before we lose this entire winter. But how? I asked myself, "self, what futile and stupid gesture could I engage in that might change the karma of this winter before it goes completely off the rails?" Self-immolation on the steps of the Climate Prediction Center? No, too drastic. Streaking through the Quad in tomorrow's snow flurries? No, would subject me to a lewdness charge. Then it hit me:

What could be more futile and stupid a gesture, than for me to come OTI, by myself, and re-open the whole darn radiation encased place? So here I am. I spent the better part of today cleaning up the last remnants of the radiation. I used good old fashioned water, Dawn dishsoap and elbow grease because I vaguely remember them using that to clean up radiation once on TV. Or was that an oil spill? Anyway. We also temporarily have a mandatory cloth mask policy, as informal studies show masks may reduce the risk of radiation poisoning from any random isotopes the quick clean-up today may have missed.

I can report the place is now sparkling clean. The Parliament Building looks majestic, the Hall of Justice is resplendent, and the Coconut Lounge has a new bar, new jukebox, and Jon Taffer has provided new signage and a revamped menu. There is even a Pool of Drunken Pessimism outside the Coconut Lounge modeled after sroc's Pool of Cautious Optimism on the Mainland. Except here people are encouraged to engage in wild drunken laments about storms that just-missed or never-came-to-be. It is healthy to get it out of their system while totally inebriated in a pool.

I'm fully aware I may be the only one hanging out here and that past guests and dignitaries may be too scared to visit or hangout here due to the risk that my Dawn dishwashing liquid remediation did not effectively remove the radiation. That is ok. I'll saddle up to the bar in the Coconut Lounge, enjoy a cold drink, and whisper to myself, "Serenity Now, Serenity Now."

But should anyone come to join me, this is some video from the dedication of the new boat slip where refugees from Mainland can come to relax, get treatment for snow depravation, and throw down some cocktails. I think it demonstrates just what a fun, hip place this is:
https://youtu.be/VGpQej3o9eo

*pokes head into Coconut Lounge and walks in.
Me: Quiet in here.
Bartender: Yep, you're the first customer all day.
Me: Well, I'm settled in here. Gotta do something to change our luck on the Mainland. I'll take a Chocolate Stout and shot of Screwball.
Bartender: Ah, so you think opening this island and hanging out here is enough of a shake-up to change your luck and give you a big winter storm? Interesting plan. Here you go, one beer, one shot.
Me: Well keeping this place closed hasn't brought us any luck. In fact the last time we had a lot of snow was the last time this place was hopping, back in March 2018.
Bartender: Fair point. Didn't work today did it? Haha.
Me: No, today was a dud as expected more wet than white and a little ice. But that was set in stone before we re-opened. In fact it drove me here.
Bartender: True. Well, I wish you luck. Hopefully the reopening is just the change of luck this Forum needed to produce a big snowstorm for everyone.
Me: Me too, my friend. Me too.
Bartender: *looks around* Because so far, it's not helping my tip income. lol
Me: Sometimes if you build it, they will come. Sometimes not. But if I sit here by myself for the next two weeks and it changes our luck in the snow department, well worth it. *Gets up to go* Have a good night bartender. See you tomorrow. Left you an extra tip for your friendly banter.
Bartender: Much appreciated. See you tomorrow I'm sure.

* walks into Coconut Lounge on Day 3 of the Temporary Emergency Re-Opening.
Bartender: Hey there, look who is back.
Me: Yessir. Said I'd be here. I see it's still quiet.
Bartender: Yeah, we've had one or two people pass by and window shop, but not much business. What can I get you?
Me: Same as last night.
Bartender: Coming up. So you still hoping re-opening OTI and the Lounge is going to change your luck on the Mainland with snow prospects?
Me: That's still my hope. I mean, the last time OTI was busy we had snow. Then after business slowed to a trickle in the 18-19 Winter, and was turned into a radiation wasteland in the 19-20 Winter, the snow stopped; So, maybe this works.
Bartender: Superstitious much? lol Here's your beer and shot pal.
Me: You have any better ideas to change our luck? lol. Just trying to get a snowstorm here.
Bartender: Would it help if I put "Let it snow" on the jukebox?
Me: Can't hurt.
Bartender: Sooooo? Any luck yet. We've been open three days. Any hint that this is working and big snow is on the way?
Me: Nope. *Looks at model runs on the TV* Well, there is some chatter on the Mainland about this weekend. So . . . who knows.
Bartender: Sunday is a long way off. But I continue to wish you luck with this crazy idea.
Me: Appreciate it. If this doesn't work to change our snow luck, I'm out of ideas. Here's my tab and your tip my friend, hope business picks up.
Bartender: Thanks again for your generosity. See you tomorrow.
Me: Most likely. Catch you then.
*Walks out the door, where it is getting a bit colder out*

*Walks into the Coconut Lounge on Day 4 of the Temporary Emergency Re-opening.
Bartender: Here he comes. Must be happy hour.
Me: Hey there, it's my favorite bartender.
Bartender: I should hope. Since I'm entirely a figment of your imagination. Why would you create a fictional bartender who gives you crappy service? lol
Me: Fair point. I'll take my usual.
Bartender: Coming up.
*Looks at the end of the bar and sees a mysterious woman. Long hair, skin that almost gives off a glow, wearing a bright earthy green gown with white trim. She is sipping on a drink and keeping very much to herself.*
Bartender: Here you go. Your usual. So still here hoping to change your "fortunes" with regard to snow back on the mainland? haha.
Me: Yep, that's the whole point. Say, who is that woman sitting at the end of the bar?
Bartender: Have no idea. Came in this afternoon, and said she wanted a strong drink and was in the mood for something very cold.
Me: She's captivating. Just gives off an aura of . . .authority. Did you talk to her?
Bartender: I tried to make some small-talk. But she politely declined. Said she is a woman of action, not talk. So I just said, okie dokie, and kept to myself. lol.
Me: Well, I'm not going to ask her any questions then. haha.
Bartender: So I don't mean to be a skeptic, but you opened this place up and have been here by yourself for four days now. Has this had any effect on your luck, ya know, with the snow thing?
Me: Not yet, but I didn't expect it overnight. It IS getting much colder on the Mainland.
Bartender: Good start I guess. Can't have snow without cold.
*Mysterious woman at end of the bar gets up, pays her bill with a credit card, and walks out into the cold, where she almost vanished into the darkness*
Me: Hey, did she pay with a card?
Bartender: Sure did.
Me: What's her name?
Bartender: Didn't read it on the card, but it's here on the receipt. Weird, no first name. Just an initial. It says M Nature.
Me: Seriously?
Bartender: Hey, that's what it says.
Me: Alright. With that, I'm out of here. Got to keep any eye on this weekend.
Bartender: The weekend, what's going on? Super Bowl is in two weeks, not this weekend.
Me: Ahhhh, just something people are talking about on the Mainland forum. No big deal right now. Anyway, have a good night. *tips generously*
Bartender: You too. See you tomorrow. Maybe your friend Ms. Nature will be back. haha.
Me: yeah, maybe.
*Walks out the door into a blustery wind and bitter cold*

*Walks into the Coconut Lounge on Day 5 of the Temporary Emergency Re-Opening.
Me: Gooood evening my friend!
Bartender: Ah my best customer!
Me: You mean, only, customer.
Bartender: That too. I guess it's a low bar.
Me: I'll take my usual.
Bartender: Have it on ice for you already. Knew you'd shuffle in here. And what is with the hop in your step tonight?
Me: Ahhh, nothing yet. But, have some good feels right now.
Bartender: Really? Could your little strategy here be working? The "Change of Snow Luck" reopening of the island? lol
Me: Well, too soon to know. And I don't want to jinx anything so for now I'll say, I'm still waiting. But, it would be nice if I didn't go to all this effort to re-open the island, clean up the radiation, and keep you occupied here this week for nothing. lol
Bartender: Oh I'm glad to have you either way. I wouldn't be making any money if you weren't here. In fact, given that my existence is rather dependent on you being here, you could say I wouldn't even be here, if you were not.
Me: All true.
Bartender: Well I'm pulling for you either way. Here's to you getting a change of luck bringing lots of snow to the mainland.
Me: here-here.
Bartender: Oh, guess who stopped in earlier?
Me: Who?
Bartender: Remember that mysterious woman from last night? M Nature? She was back?
Me: *jaw drops* Umm, did you talk to her?
Bartender: Oh yeah. She ordered a drink, said she wanted it extra cold with lots of ice and sugar. So I asked her what her deal was. She said she was just stopping on OTI because she was working on something big on the Mainland and needed to take a break every now and then.
Me: *jaw still hanging open* And?
Bartender: So I said, how long will you be working on this project, and she said she wasn't sure yet, but she wanted it to be a big hit on the Mainland.
Me: And?????
Bartender: And what?
Me: Did you ask what she was working on? And what she meant by a "big hit"? And for whom???
Bartender: No. Why would I? None of my business. I don't care what this woman's project is, I had to clean out these unused liquor bottles behind the bar.
Me: *Blank stare* Are you serious?
Bartender: Yeah, why? Anyway, she got up and left right after that, said she had to get back to work, time was short.
Me: I'm not sure how I feel about you right now.
Bartender: lol. Sorry, I'll try to be nosier next time.
Me: Please do. Alright, I'm outta here. Thanks for the drink. You working this weekend?
Bartender: Sure am. See you then?
Me: Likely. Catch you later.
*Walks out the door into a bitterly cold, arctic night.*

1/30/21

A strange voice reached out to me in a dream, telling me that the time had come. Perhaps that is why I find myself sitting on the beach looking at the tree that has been the source of so many misadventures. Did we catch lightning in a bottle? Everything was moving so quickly, so easily. Then it got weird. Maybe moved a little too fast. I heard about the nuclear accident, but had been gone long before that. I don't know how, but it's gotten better. Have I come home or am I about to learn that you can't go home? One way or another, I'm about to find out. Time to see how the Coconut Lounge has held up.

P.S. If you read this, know that you stand in a great place where great people once did amazing things.


*pins the note to the tree and heads off in the direction of the lounge*

*Enters Coconut Lounge on Day 6 of the Emergency Temporary Reopening:
Me: Good afternoon there bartender.
Bartender: Oh, early arrival today I see?
Me: Well, it is the weekend. So no need to wait until Happy Hour.
Bartender: Gotcha. The usual?
Me: Of course.
Bartender: How are things on the Mainland? Has spending a week here changed your luck? lol
Me: Funny you mention that. Strange things, unseen in a long time are happening back on the mainland right now.
Bartender: Oh really?
Me: I mean nothing is set in stone, but I'm seeing discussions we haven't seen much in the last three years.
Bartender: So, maybe this reopening wasn't in vain after all?
Me: I hope not. The next 48-72 hours will tell.
*Notices jukebox is playing and three empty glasses on a table
Me: Umm, did you have customers?
Bartender: I did, and I have to say it was quite the boost in spirits.
Me: Who? That mysterious lady again?
Bartender: Well, she was here briefly. Said she was too busy to stay long that she had her hands full with that project for Sunday and Monday.
Me: I don't suppose you asked for details?
Bartender: She wasn't sharing. She just said she's whipping something big up but "wasn't sure exactly how it would look when fully baked."
Me: She's cooking?
Bartender: Uh, I think it was a metaphor. You do know metaphors? lol
Me: Yes, I do. And sarcasm.
Bartender: No, but not her. There was another guy here, with two beautiful young ladies.
Me: Really?
Bartender: yeah, played the jukebox, danced, partied, had a great time.
Me: Who was it?
Bartender: Not sure his name. He said something about having run this place once. He also asked me before he came in if I've seen "Farmer Jones" recently. I told him I had no idea who that was but that you were the ONLY one I'd seen recently. So he came in with his two lovely "friends" and had a few drinks.
Me: I may know this person. Well, look, I gotta run. but I'll be back tomorrow.
Bartender: Sure thing. And Bill: good luck with that snow thing. Hope this really has somehow changed fortunes on the mainland.
Me: I guess we'll see soon. Later.
* Walks out into a Sunny, cold day.

*Walks into the Coconut Lounge looking at the bartender*
Me: Somebody was here. I can feel it like that whole Darth Vader/Obi Wan Kenobi presence deal.
Bartender: 2 Somebodys actually. One male, one female.
Me: Together?
Bartender: Nope. She was here and left before you got here before. He came in after you left and I told him you were here. No word on Farmer Jones yet either. Sorry 'bout that.
Me: No worries. The guy have a name?
Bartender: Everybody has a name. And if you don't have a name, then your name is No-Name so you still have a name which means being named No-Name doesn't really make much sense.
Me: I can't argue with you there. Mostly because I didn't understand a word you said, but I still can't argue with you. Anyways, if you see him again, put his drinks on my tab. And, if you see anybody asking about the two young ladies I was in here with earlier, especially guys that might resemble angry husband types, you didn't see me with them. I'd love to stay but I may or may not be part of something happening back on the mainland.
Bartender: Tab, angry husbands, mainland. Gotcha. Stay outta trouble, bud.
Me: I hope it's not already too late for that.
*tosses a $50 onto the bar before strolling towards the door*

*Enters Coconut Lounge on Day 7 of the Temporary Emergency Re-Opening:
Me: Good afternoon friend.
*shakes snow off of my coat*
Bartender: Hey there. Wait, did you just come from the Mainland Forum?
Me: Yes I did.
Bartender: Is that . . . snow on your coat?
Me: It is in fact. A little light snow falling back there.
Bartender: Oh, ok. Only light snow then.
Me: Well, it just started. There is a chance it could be . . . more than light snow.
Bartender: Well I suppose you want your usual to keep the good mojo going?
Me: Yes, thank you.
Bartender: Good news, it's free. Your buddy, the guy cavorting and having a grand old time with those two young ladies yesterday; he came back in and picked up your tab for today.
Me: Wow. He is a good man.
Bartender: He seems it. Although maybe that Farmer Jones guy disagrees, whoever he is.
Me: Oh. Long story. NSFW.
Bartender: Fair enough.
*Bartender hands over drinks.
Me: So I can't stay long, have to get back to the Mainland. All sorts of excitement there. There is a storm approaching, hence the snow on my jacket, and some people think it could be something special.
Bartender: Well, well, well. So this whole reopening thing could pay dividends?
Me: COULD. We're not there yet.
Bartender: You know that mysterious woman was here again briefly.
Me: Really?
Bartender: Yep, said she was having a celebratory drink.
Me: Did she say what she was celebrating?
Bartender: Sort of. She said her work was done, and now she was just able to sit back and see how people received it. Guess she's excited for the feedback.
Me: Um, ok. Any more specifics?
Bartender: That's not specific enough for you? She said her project was done.
Me: *Rolls eyes* Seriously? You're yanking my chain right? Did you even ask what the project was, and who it was going to affect?
Bartender: Oh, no. I thought you just wanted to know when it was complete.
Me: *blank stare*
Me: You're fortunate we've become friends.
Bartender: Again, I remind you, I'm a figment of your imagination. If we weren't friends, we'd be enemies. Which means we'd fight. Which means you'd be fighting with yourself. Which would definitely land you in the loony bin. Or that empty Sanitarium down the path behind the palm trees.
Me: Ah the Sanitarium. And its director. Miss that guy.
Bartender: Who?
Me: Long story, but was a solid contributor here. Hope he gets some snow today too.
Bartender: Hey, maybe everyone will. Haha. Everyone get snow. Yeah right, that never happens.
Me: Well we can hope. And sometimes it takes a futile and stupid gesture just to change your luck.
Me: Well I'm headed back to Mainland. Have to see what's going on there. I assume I'll be back tomorrow.
Bartender: I'll be here. But, only if you or your buddy from yesterday are. Because, well, ya know. But hey, continued best wishes and if you find out how that lady's project turned out, let me know.
Me: Sure thing. Have a good day.
*Walks out of the Lounge and back to the Mainland where snow is still falling.

So, what's a girl have to do to get a drink around here?

*walks into the lounge, smiling quietly to myself*
Bartender: Let me guess. The strange lady's project is doing wonders for you too. I've never seen a few snowflakes make people so happy.
Me: It's not that and it's more than that at the same time. That's neither here nor there though.
Bartender: Geez. I thought the last guy that was in here was hard to understand.
Me: Last guy? You haven't had any trouble understanding him up to this point.
Bartender: No, no. This was a different last guy. Kinda looked like that CP guy, but he said that it wasn't. I couldn't tell either way. Everybody looks the same under a lead helmet.
Me: Lead helmet?
Bartender: Yeah, lead helmet. This place is actually drowning in radiation following that whole incident.
Me: Does that mean I'm gonna end up going growing extra limbs and antannae?
Bartender: Are you planning on turning into a moth? If you haven't started mutating already, you're safe.
Me: That's good. Anybody else been in?
Bartender: Yeah, a woman stopped by a while back and
Me interrupting: A woman? I don't know what you heard, but I wasn't even there.
Bartender: What are you talking about?
Me: Me? Nothing. Nothing at all. You were saying?
Bartender: I was saying she stopped in and asked what a girl had to do to get a drink.
Me: Anything else?
Bartender: Nope.

The bartender pauses before continuing

Bartender: Tell me something. You ran this place quite a while back. This musta been a good gig before the whole radioactive wasteland thing. So what happened?
Me: Rules get in the way of a good time so I.....ummm.... "relaxed" them in the interest of better parties.
Bartender: Yeah, I've noticed that you don't seem to concern yourself with things like rules or even basic decency.
Me: Hey. I thought bartenders were supposed to be friendly and funny.
Bartender: I'm both of those. I'm also an excellent judge of character.
Me: Anyways, stuff happened and I decided to bounce.
Bartender: Farmer Jones stuff?
Me: That name haunts my dreams. And that pitchfork is the stuff of nightmares.
Bartender: Do you have that effect on everybody?
Me: Nah, it only seems that way. Hey, did they close down the rooms in the back?
Bartender: Yep.
Me: Damn. Okay, well I gotta head back to the mainland.
Bartender: Snow Queen coming to visit you too?
Me: Not like everybody else. I'm a little jealous, but then I remember that I'd have to shovel it and my back is silently grateful it's them and not me.
Bartender: You were in here dancing for hours. That's impressive for a guy with a bad back.
Me: And I'm doing equally well for a guy in shorts and a t-shirt that's walking through tropical Chernobyl.
Bartender: Good point. Have fun with your snow.
Me: Thanks. Gimme a beer for the road.
Bartender: Roads don't get thirsty.
Me: Okay. So gimme a beer for myself.
*tosses a $20 on the bar*
Bartender: There ya go.
Me: Thanks. Have a good one.
*takes my bottle and wanders out the door*

*The lady in question walks back into the bar....again.


"I've never been refused service here before. Is it the hat? It's the hat, isn't it? I guess I need to hit the Radiation Liquidation Store and buy one of those lead helmets."

*Walks into the Coconut Lounge on Day 8 of the Temporary Emergency Re-Opening:
Bartender: There he is. Congratulations my friend. You did it. Or should I say "we" did it?
Me: Well, when I was scouring away radiation and scrambling to reopen this place a week ago, I couldn't have imagined the impact it would have on our snow luck.
Bartender: Yeah, amazing. Uh, by the way, you do realize Dawn dishsoap is for oil spills not radiation right?
Me: *horrified stare*
Bartender: Don't worry, you may have immunity, I haven't seen it impact you yet, nor that fun guy who came in with those young ladies this weekend. Now the guy who came in with the lead helmet earlier, he didn't seem too confident.
Me: A guy with a lead helmet came in?
Bartender: Yeah, I thought he was one of the jerks that created this radiation wasteland, but he said I was mistaking him for some "Giant Exuberant Mystic" or something.
Me: Riiiight. Ok, I may know that guy too.
Bartender: You know a lot of people. Interesting group of friends you keep. Do you know the new lady who came in?
Me: A new lady came in?
Bartender: Yeah, interesting hat. Waiting for a drink, I think. Actually, maybe I never got that for her. Hmmm. Could explain the lack of a tip.
Me: Well get me my usual. I want to have a celebratory drink to celebrate the change of Snow Luck on the Mainland.
Bartender: You earned it. If you hadn't reopened this place a week ago, who knows what would be going on today on the Mainland? A 50 degree Great Lakes cutter rainstorm? A suppressed DC Special snow with just flurries there? The parade of horribles is real. Here's your drink.
Me: Thanks. To the Snow!!
Bartender: To the Snow!! Congrats!
Me: *finishes drink* Ah the taste of success.
Bartender: The Mainland owes you some thanks. Maybe even a statue?
Me: Statue? No thanks. The warmicists will just tear it down.
Bartender: Fair enough. Well I'm glad this worked out.
Me: See you tomorrow?
Bartender: Not sure yet. There's rumors that this place may have served it's purpose. But feel free to poke your head in and see if we're open.
Me: Sounds good. *starts to the door*
Bartender: Um, your bill, Bill?
Me: Put it on my tab.
Bartender: You don't have one. The money left for you by the party animal was used up by the lead helmet guy.
Me: He used up that money with one drink?
Bartender: Well, there's an automatic gratuity if you leave your drink on someone else's tab.
Me: *blank stare* *puts money on bar* There you go. I'll catch you later. Back to the snow on the Mainland! Oh, and I left some extra money. If the lady with the nice hat comes back, get her a drink on me. See ya!
*Walks out the door back to the snowy Mainland.
Bartender: See ya. Well, maybe not.

*Arrives on OTI on Day 9 (the final day it seems) of the Temporary Emergency Re-Opening.
Me: *Walks toward Coconut Lounge and observes several new signs posted. They read: "WARNING HIGH RADIATION AREA. I WOULD TURN AROUND IF I WERE YOU." Startled and disconcerted I realize the Dawn dishsoap thing probably wasn't a good idea. I arrive at the door of the Coconut Lounge. Lights are off, doors are locked. There is a note pinned to the door which says "For Bill." I read the note*
Note:
Dear Bill: I figured you would stop back here; you are persistent like that. Not in a bad way. I just mean, who would have spent a whole week posting to themselves in a thread few people visit just to try to change your luck and get a big snowstorm? But hey it worked, so I don't judge.
I was forced to leave rather quickly. So I left you a note. A group of scientists and military personnel from the Mainland showed up here this morning. They were wearing lead suits from head-to-toe. They told me the radiation levels here were off the charts and that my exposure was such that I was unlikely to last much longer if I didn't leave now. Apparently that guy in the lead helmet from a couple days ago was onto something. They said the island was being closed again and asked me to leave with them.
You should know that before they arrived I did get the lady in the hat a drink as you asked. I have to say, of the seven people who visited here this week (that includes that M Nature woman and the two dancing girls who were here with the former manager) the lady in the hat seemed the most normal.
I know you may be disappointed the island is closed again. But don't be. You achieved your goal. You changed your luck, and in no small way. Enough to get an historic snowstorm. And I'm told there is more cold air and snow chances in the short-term forecast, so maybe your luck will keep rolling now. Heck, even that groundhog says there are 6 more weeks of winter now. And he's never read a teleconnection forecast. He can't. He's a groundhog.
Instead of being disappointed things are shutting down again. Be proud that you had a good week here, and accomplished what you set out to do. I took some time this week to look through the history of this island (what else was I to do? Seven customers all week doesn't keep you very busy). This truly was, as that party animal guy put it, "A great place where great people once did amazing things." And you added to that history by doing one more (last?) amazing thing here.
Well, I just wanted to let you know I enjoyed hanging out this week. Again, as a figment of your imagination, if we hadn't enjoyed each other's company, that would signal a problem. I think they call it schizophrenia. Congrats again on the snow and good luck with the next couple weeks.
Oh, and if you see your friends, tell them I enjoyed serving them. Quirks and all. Even the lead helmet guy. And thanks for the generous tip money. It will help with my treatments for the radiation exposure. Next time leave the remediation to the pros, Ok?
Signed,
Bartender

Me: *Folds the note, places in my pocket and walks to the dock to head back to the Mainland. Before Boarding the Boat, I plant a sign a the dock. It reads "OTI: Closed for Now. A Great Place Where Great People Once Did Amazing Things."

OTI now closed again until further notice, as of 1:08 p.m. February 2, 2021.

Now, you see how all our luck changes when billg had the courage to step back into the Coconut Lounge re-establish contact with OTI.In my despair of leaving the Island last year, I had not even taken notice that our fine Attorney General,Secretary of the Treasury, Director of Customs and Director of the Cocont lounge , had all come back for a "radiation reunion".I have opened up trading on the OTI Board of Commodities and have gone long on lead futures in anticipation of a massive drawdown to manufacture radiation suits.
The beautiful lady in the hat is welcome to come to my private office in the Parliament Building for a drink sans radiation suits.I have installed lead panels in the walls!
I know I have slipped in past the new closure date of 2/2/2021, but as former Director of Parliament and Director of the OTI Sanitarium, I felt I had a little "pull".That "pull" comes from me being a former Dentist on the Mainland for 25 years.

Be well all and see you in 100,000 years
"Glowingly" yours,
Docstox
Director of Parliament
Director of the OTI Sanitarium

And while I still have functioning brain from radiation exposure, I just want to say the brilliance of billg and cp creating this magnificent routine that landed us a big snowstorm!You guys could be comedy script writers!
Ooops, gotta get on the last bananna barge back to the Mainland for decontamination. I'm trying to sell bannanas that glow in the dark there.My ad comes on tv right after the My Pillow Guys.

CPcantmeasuresnow wrote:

docstox12 wrote:And while I still have functioning brain from radiation exposure, I just want to say the brilliance of billg and cp creating this magnificent routine that landed us a big snowstorm!You guys could be comedy script writers!
Ooops, gotta get on the last bananna barge back to the Mainland for decontamination. I'm trying to sell bannanas that glow in the dark there.My ad comes on tv right after the My Pillow Guys.

Thanks Doc but all credit goes to Billg here, he's 95% of this whole thing and it was brilliant.

I read it several times, my wife would wonder why I was laughing so hard reading a weather forum. Also shout outs to The Aresian, his input was hysterical, and of course last but not least Taffy for her cameos.

LOL, don't sell yourself short CP, you are hilarious.Well, at least to a radiation impaired cerebrum.Anyway, it was great having a reunion of the crew thanks to the amazing billg!
This worked like a charm to give our area an amazing snowstorm.
"Telleconnections, we don't need no stinkin telleconnections"!

Dear Diary,

I had another dream about the island. The radiation didn't stay gone for long and even in imaginations the island is uninhabitable. It's the strangest thing though. When I think about the island being closed, I get this weird image of the end of the movie "Predator" where Arnold and all of the rest of the actors get their little clip. Bill's in the capitol and he looks up from an important document, nods and smiles. CP's counting money while holding a groundhog. I can only assume it's supposed to be a representation of Othelia. docs is busy doing whatever people in charge of things do while Taffy is making tourists feel welcome, apparently through the use of hats. And me? I'm sitting in the corner of the lounge with a cigar in one hand, drink in the other totally oblivious to the fact that I've left my pants in the tree. It's a good life if you've got the loss of mind for it. I gotta run now. I've decided to start investing and my broker gave me a hot tip telling me that glowing bananas are ready to really take off. I can't imagine what kinda weird people live in a place that produces glowing bananas, but I bet it can't hold a candle to us.

TheAresian wrote:Dear Diary,

I had another dream about the island. The radiation didn't stay gone for long and even in imaginations the island is uninhabitable. It's the strangest thing though. When I think about the island being closed, I get this weird image of the end of the movie "Predator" where Arnold and all of the rest of the actors get their little clip. Bill's in the capitol and he looks up from an important document, nods and smiles. CP's counting money while holding a groundhog. I can only assume it's supposed to be a representation of Othelia. docs is busy doing whatever people in charge of things do while Taffy is making tourists feel welcome, apparently through the use of hats. And me? I'm sitting in the corner of the lounge with a cigar in one hand, drink in the other totally oblivious to the fact that I've left my pants in the tree. It's a good life if you've got the loss of mind for it. I gotta run now. I've decided to start investing and my broker gave me a hot tip telling me that glowing bananas are ready to really take off. I can't imagine what kinda weird people live in a place that produces glowing bananas, but I bet it can't hold a candle to us.

As they say, my good man, "logic gets you from A to Z, but imagination can take you ANYWHERE"
LONG LIVE OTI

I am currently strolling through this island in both a hazmat suit and an N95 mask trying to grasp the horrors of what happened just several years ago.  I can't even find a Daily Coconut newspaper through this nuclear wasteland. Yet, this place is a stark reminder of the fun we had in the before times.

Well today, Emperor Frank issued an ultimatum.  Given the swings and misses the northeast has had for a Godzilla storm throughout this month and the questions regarding the weekend system, he said this:

Frank_Wx wrote:Maybe Ray can chime in but we’re seeing a tendency for energy to be held back over the SW CONUS this year. If it happens again I’m shutting this board down permanently

That's right, the Emperor is threatening to nuke the mainland, the very place where the former OTI citizens have fled to after the disaster that was experienced here years ago.  And there's a chance that the mainland too will get nuked, leaving them no place to go.  Perhaps given it's been several years, the citizens will be eager to return to OTI.  The question is, does the place have any hazmat suits/N95 masks to distribute along with adequate fallout shelters to house them through January 2, 2079?

-Math23x7, Former OTI Director of Technology

billg315 wrote:After now two-and-a-half subpar winters in a row, I figure drastic steps must be taken to try to change our luck before we lose this entire winter. But how? I asked myself, "self, what futile and stupid gesture could I engage in that might change the karma of this winter before it goes completely off the rails?" Self-immolation on the steps of the Climate Prediction Center? No, too drastic. Streaking through the Quad in tomorrow's snow flurries? No, would subject me to a lewdness charge. Then it hit me:

What could be more futile and stupid a gesture, than for me to come OTI, by myself, and re-open the whole darn radiation encased place? So here I am. I spent the better part of today cleaning up the last remnants of the radiation. I used good old fashioned water, Dawn dishsoap and elbow grease because I vaguely remember them using that to clean up radiation once on TV. Or was that an oil spill? Anyway. We also temporarily have a mandatory cloth mask policy, as informal studies show masks may reduce the risk of radiation poisoning from any random isotopes the quick clean-up today may have missed.

I can report the place is now sparkling clean. The Parliament Building looks majestic, the Hall of Justice is resplendent, and the Coconut Lounge has a new bar, new jukebox, and Jon Taffer has provided new signage and a revamped menu. There is even a Pool of Drunken Pessimism outside the Coconut Lounge modeled after sroc's Pool of Cautious Optimism on the Mainland. Except here people are encouraged to engage in wild drunken laments about storms that just-missed or never-came-to-be. It is healthy to get it out of their system while totally inebriated in a pool.

I'm fully aware I may be the only one hanging out here and that past guests and dignitaries may be too scared to visit or hangout here due to the risk that my Dawn dishwashing liquid remediation did not effectively remove the radiation. That is ok. I'll saddle up to the bar in the Coconut Lounge, enjoy a cold drink, and whisper to myself, "Serenity Now, Serenity Now."

But should anyone come to join me, this is some video from the dedication of the new boat slip where refugees from Mainland can come to relax, get treatment for snow depravation, and throw down some cocktails. I think it demonstrates just what a fun, hip place this is:
https://youtu.be/VGpQej3o9eo

This is the most magnificent gesture from the Director of Technical Affairs and Analysis, to re-open OTI in this desperate time of need.I have seen glimpses of posts in the Mainland threads of banishments and self sacrifice to help bring a huge snowstorm to all areas of the Mainland .Radiation be damned, this is a critical situation that must be dealt with firmly and efficiently.I have used a remedy that old Italian Grandmothers used to protect their families from any type of harm, garlic infused Crisco that I have covered my entire body with.This should ameliorate any lingering radiation effects.
I have entered the OTI Institute of Winter Storm Technology to try and find a way to phase these storms more effectively.For the lingering southern stream of energy that just refuses to phase, I will experiment with the OTI Air Force dropping from high altitudes small pictures of General US Grant that southern entities hate, to try and stimulate more movement.I will be working 24/7 so any remaining winter storms will phase properly and enter the Roidzilla category for all our Mainland folks.
I urge CP not to slef sacrifice, but get here right away to help us in our work to not only save THIS storm, but any other in the remaining time of winter 2021-2022.
Desperate times need desperate measures.
Over and out for now.

Docstox
Director of OTI Parliamnet
Director of OTI Sanitarium ( which has received GLOWING accolades after the radiation accident and is open for business0

January 26
Anno Domani 2022

Temporary Emergency Re Re Opening:
Exposing myself to mega rads of radiation by coming here in an attempt to reverse the horrible pattern we are in.If it doesn't work, the compensation will be I save on electric bills for a month or two as I put a bulb in my mouth and walk around my house back on the Mainland.If it does work, a statue of me in the center of Central Park to annoy the Zookeeper will be put up(right on the spot they use to inaccurately measure snow).

I used to be a contenda here but I forgot what I used to be.Must be the radiation!